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Delk – The Aftermath

I’m afraid this post may be a bit anti-climactic for some. After all, I myself did not realize the significance of these events until very recently.

I rushed back to our flat, knocking over fruit stands and passers-by. When I reached our apartment, only Nigel sat in our living room, flipping through a rather large novel.

“Oh hello, P. Don’t worry about not showing up. We went ahead without you, but the delk turned out to be a big dud. Neither Amy nor I felt any effects. Poor Ritchie felt a bit nauseous and Persephone became a bit … er, … amorous”, Nigel blushed. Regaining his composure, he continued, “I guess that rock star sold you bill of goods.” He chuckled heartily although there was nothing particularly funny about his remark.

And that was that. Or so we thought. However, over the course of the next year, the four of them went through a number of startling changes. I thought nothing of it at the time. After all, we were all in our late teens-early twenties. Who doesn’t go through drastic transformations at that age?

Amy began calling herself Anenome.* Passing through the hallway, one used to hear strains of Lorena McKennitt and Tori Amos, but now she only listened to the French Spectralists.** She stopped writing poetry*** and began her solitary research into the occult.

Persephone soon broke up with Nigel.**** She stopped being a sullen goth and became sickly-sweet mannered and obsequious. Her ‘little Bo Peep’ outfits gradually entered her wardrobe until she wore nothing else. Even though it was Persephone who broke up with Nigel, she became insanely jealous and became increasingly suspicious of all of Nigel’s aquaintences. If Nigel began seeing anyone, she would ‘befriend’ the young lady, serenading them with her trademark ballad “Have you seen but a whyte lilie grow?” on a nightly basis until they would become sufficiently creeped out to leave town.

Poor Ritchie Sauces suffered the most obvious transformation. He legally changed his name to ‘Rich Sauces’ and embarked on a quest for the utmost limits of depravity. He was soon arrested for what he did at the art museum. And the planetarium. And the musuem of natural history. His entire manner had changed and he began to exude an odor resembling that of dandruff shampoo.***** Then he sought to include others in his ‘art films’, with or without their knowledge.

And then there was Nigel. Nigel was always … eccentric, shall we say? I have to admit I never noticed any real change in his behaviour. Our friendship remind solid for several years until a certain incident caused us to go our seperate ways. No need to get into that now.

The next week, I did join Sol and Pepper for the university production of Hamlet where I first beheld the charming Harriet starring as Ophelia. This production was to lead to the formation of the wretched ‘Ghoul Squad’ by Nigel. But I get ahead of myself.

When Anenome & I met the other night, she informed me that in her research of the unusual and unsettling, she uncovered an old book called The Delk and its Effects on the Young by Nazzereno Pagliughi. After reading this lengthy tome, she believes that the personality changes they all experience are due to their experimentation. She feels that Nigel’s recent strange behavior is due to a recent 2nd encounter with delk. We need to investigate further.

* Again?
** Her poor roommate Göta could not stand any of Amy/Anenome’s musical tastes, pre- or post-delk.
*** Or perhaps she just stopped sharing it with others.
**** He claimed it was ‘mutual’.
***** It took me years to identify this scent.

Delk – Part II

When last we left our hero (me), he had just received a packet of delk from a well-known pop artist.

The next day, I, along with Nigel, pored over the instructions that came with the delk. Before we could get started in earnest, Persephone strolled out of Nigel’s bedroom (I had no idea she had been there!) wearing only a Souxie and the Banshees T-shirt of Nigel’s. While she was, admittedly, quite attractive, there was something about her that made me uncomfortable. The doorbell rang. It was Amy (Anenome) and Ritchie with danish and coffee. *

In my foolish need to impress my new friends, I told them of the delk. They were naturally curious and we examined the note together. It was printed on a high quality paper in Fraktur, although it was in English. It smelled of stale tobacco, burnt sugar and sweat.

The instructions specified that the delk was best taken as a suppository or in food, preferably in a bechamel sauce. Persephone brightened up. “This is the perfect chance to finally put that suppository making class from high school to use!”** After an uncomfortable silence, Ritchie offered, “Or we could just put it in the sauce and eat it.” He said this slowly and deliberately. After another moment of silence, we all jumped in and agreed. Persephone sulked. I don’t know if she was embarrassed or disappointed. She was always difficult to read.

Nigel suddenly burst from his chair with great enthusiasm. “Bechamel sauce! Bechamel sauce! We must discover it’s secrets!” He ran to the bookshelf, grabbing reference books at random, consulting the index, then throwing the volume over his shoulder, hitting Ritchie at least once.

These reference books included the Encyclopedia Judaica vol. 8, Musik in Geschichte und Gegenwart, bd. 21, the 2nd Encyclopedia of Comic Books Heroes,*** World Book Encyclopedia, vol. 1, The Snoopy Cyclopedia, vol. 1 and a Spanish reference on biology that I am not familiar with. He became increasingly frantic.

“Nigel!” cried Amy. “Nigel! Nigel! Calm down! Flour, butter and milk! It’s flour, butter and milk! I know how to make it!” Immediately, Nigel composed himself and returned to his easy chair. “Come to think of it,” Amy continued, “You taught me how to make it, Persephone. Why didn’t you say anything?” Persephone merely shrugged.

We returned to the instructions. “During the ritual, there must be one individual who does not participate. He or she must engage in vigorous physical exercise, alternating this activity with the performance of quadratic equations. The equations need not be solved correctly as long as the proper effort is made,” Nigel read.

“We must draw straws!” Nigel ran to the cupboard, grabbing a handful of bendy straws. He pulled a giant cleaver from a bottom drawer and chopped the top off of a single straw. This sickening thud reverberated throughout the flat.

He brought the straws into the room obscuring their lengths. We all chose straws and you can imagine who chose the shorter one. “But P.,” Amy said, “You were the one who found the delk! This isn’t fair. We’ll draw again.”

“No, no, Amy. It’s all in good fun. Fair’s fair.” To be honest, I was a bit relieved. So it was settled. We decided on a mutually convenient time. That Sunday at 6 PM. If only we knew had lay ahead.

* I should mention that Anenome’s recollections of that morning differ from my own, but not in any significant way.

** No, I’m not sure where she went to high school.

*** Borrowed from Ritchie. To the best of my knowledge, never returned.

Delk – Part I.

I was young and stupid. But weren’t we all? I was a shy and introverted young man desperately wanting to impress my new friends.

My Cousin Z. is aquainted with a well-known rock star whose name I will not mention. I’ll just say that this individual’s songs have become part of our cultural heritage. If I asked you if you knew the lyrics to his top five hits, you might say no, but if the songs were played on the radio, you could sing along without missing a single word. While his music doesn’t speak to me particularly, I certainly appreciate his great craftmanship, both lyrically and melodically and jumped at the chance to meet him when Z. arrived in town with backstage passes for the big show at the Thunderdome.

After the concert (a wonderful show), when we arrived backstage, the musicians were partaking of a substance I would later learn was called cocaine. We were offered some, but Z. is what the young people call ’straight edge’ and I must admit I’ve never had much interest in narcotics. Z. mentioned that I was a poet and I had a rather enlightening discussion with this musician on Robert Browning, whose work I had never considered significant. He certainly changed my mind!

Then he said something that changed my life forever, although I only realized it recently. He said, “You need to try some delk. It’ll really open your perceptions to the possibilities within the forest of the call of ideas beneath the surface.* You’ll need to follow the instructions precisely, though.” He then rummaged through a pocket in a soft gig bag, pulling out a packet covered in a black silk scarf wrapped in twine. “Take it,” he offered. “But follow the instructions precisely. The elder gods can be a bitch.” Then a trio of the most unpleasant-looking women I’ve seen in my life were ushered in wearing Japanese schoolgirl uniforms.

This was our cue to leave.

More later,

P.

*Actual quote. He was, you will remember, on drugs.